Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Stepping outside the box

Recently I havc been dealing with a few personal issues. I don't know if it's the upcoming 30th, too much time to think, or what, but my mind has been a constant battlefield.

My first battle ( that I happily won) was reconnecting spiritually. I had gotten so out of the routine of attending church, putting God first, that I had totally lost sight of some very important things. Sitting around, constantly worrying, wondering. Lately I've been giving all of my problems to God, and WOW! ...what a difference that makes!

The second battle that I'm working on, slowly but surely, is reconnecting socially. I'm not exactly sure what happened to my outgoing personality. I've been a SAHM for years now, and some days I feel so disconnected from the rest of the world. I'm sure this is a common issue for other SAHM's like myself. I belong to several groups that participate in playdates and MNO's... and I never attend. It's not that I don't want to, I just... don't. I start thinking things such as, "what if they don't like me?", "what if I say something wrong?." What is wrong with me?! Where does this way of thinking come from? I teach my girls to be the total opposite. To have confidence, believe in themselves, stay true to themselves, all the while I'm so negative about myself! I feel like I owe it to my children to be different, to change this flaw, that in all actuality, makes me lonely and sad. I HAVE to break out of my comfort zone. I think this blog is a stepping stone. I'm not one to openly discuss my feelings, much less put them into text. My next step is actually attending a playdate. So what if they don't like me?! So what if I say something wrong?! At least I did what I needed to for myself. Chances are, they'll like me just fine.

I think sometimes we over analyze things. We worry about things that haven't even happened yet instead of living in the moment. This is an area that I WILL improve in my life, no matter what happens, at least I know I stepped outside the box...


Viv said...

I can really relate to your remarks about becoming disconnected socially. Meeting other blogging Moms online has really been helpful to me. I appreciated your comment over at my own blog, Cool Moms Rule! Thanks for stopping by!